good words from Rev. Emily Heath. I only list them here, but please read the entire post.
Five Things NOT to Say:
1. "God just needed another angel."
2. "Thank goodness you have other children," or, "You're young. You can have more kids."
3. "He/she was just on loan to you from God."
4. "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."
5. "We may not understand it, but this was God's will."
But here are some things we SHOULD say:
1. "I don't believe God wanted this or willed it."
2. "It's okay to be angry, and I'm a safe person for you express that anger to if you need it."
3. "It's not okay."
4. "I don't know why this happened."
5. "I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am here to support you in whatever way feels best."
In such times it is also best to heed counsel from the book of Job: "Now when Job's three friends heard of all these troubles that had come upon him, each of them set out from his home—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They met together to go and console and comfort him.12When they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him, and they raised their voices and wept aloud; they tore their robes and threw dust in the air upon their heads.13They sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great" (Job 2:11-13).