Weekend Whimsy

What New Job Lingo Really Means

Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you.

Casual work atmosphere: We don't pay enough to expect you'll dress up.

Must be deadline oriented: You'll be six months behind on your first day.

Some overtime required: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties will vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail: We have no quality control.

Career-minded: Female applicant must be childless (and remain that way).

No phone calls please: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience: You'll need to replace the three people who just left.

Problem solving skills a must: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

Good communication skills: Management communicates, and you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.

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From Michael E. Hodgin, 1002 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2004), 206.