A Weblog Dedicated to the Discussion of the Christian Faith and 21st Century Life

A Weblog Dedicated to the Discussion of the Christian Faith and 21st Century Life
I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe in order to understand. For this also I believe, –that unless I believed, I should not understand.-- St. Anselm of Canterbury (1033-1109)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Funny Quotes on Religion

"I don't pray because I don't want to bore God."
Orson Welles

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"
Charlie Brown

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."
George Burns

"I would have made a good Pope."
Richard Nixon

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey

"I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album."
Rita Rudner

"In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it."
Dave Thomas

"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
Quentin Crisp

"If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences."
Billy Sunday

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
Dennis Wholey

"My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope." Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso."
Pablo Picasso

"As God once said, and I think rightly..."
Margaret Thatcher

"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"
Art Hoppe

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen

If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.

My dear child, you must believe in God despite what the clergy tell you.
Benjamin Jowett


Art said...

Those are good.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Allan! Great stuff - gave me one more reason to smile and chuckle on a Friday!

Ted M. Gossard said...

Good ones, Allan. I wonder what God thinks when he listens to alot of what we say or have said.

Anonymous said...

Two of them made the sermon this week.