Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb.
A: One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Beside, Calvinists don't change light bulbs. The simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.
Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change?
Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One: but for the message of light to continue, please send your donation today.
Q: How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, because any more might invlve too much cooperation.
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree on the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Beside, Calvinists don't change light bulbs. The simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.
Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change?
Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One: but for the message of light to continue, please send your donation today.
Q: How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, because any more might invlve too much cooperation.
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree on the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
Q: How many members of an established 20-year-old church to change a light bulb?
A: One to actually change the light bulb, and the rest to say how much they liked the old bulb.
Q: How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Youth pastors are not around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.
Q: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found a light bulb that works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (a light source or a non-dark source) and present it next month at our annual "Light Bulb Awareness Sunday" service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, flourescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted-- all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
1 comment:
Some pretty funny stuff, but the one on Calvinists comes from the popular caricature of Calvinism, which is really just hyper-Calvinism.
Calvinists believe God uses a means to accomplish his ends. People get saved instrumentally through people preaching the word. God predestines the ends and the means, so he would use someone to put the lightbulb in.
A good follow-up:
http://www.desiringgod.org/library/sermons/84/011584.html
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